Should I be happy, good health, family in harmony, wonderful children, economically we are well, difficulties and turbulence are long behind our shoulders, clear and serene horizon... But no, I'm sad and unhappy.
I have a good job, I like it and I do it willingly, the career proceeds satisfactorily, good health, family in place... But I still feel worried, in ten years which situations I'm going to be in? I know I shoudn’t worry, but I can't do without it.
System, environment, survival and reproduction: these are the cardinal elements, the cornerstones on which all our arguments stand.
Survival and reproduction, of the individual and of the species, relentlessly cross every system of which we are constituted, every system of which any biological entity is constituted: each system, to survive and reproduce, in order to function, must find fulfilled very specific conditions.
Human respiratory system? Enormously complex, it depends on the operations of many other systems, muscular, nervous, cardio-circulatory, lymphatic, skeleton, epidermis, food and digestive, all elements of its environment... And of course by respirable Air, a mixture of gases whose composition can vary within narrow limits, light and heat within limits of variation quite narrow.
As long as one of the elements of the system and/or the environment fails, it does not respect our limits or does not function to determine the end of the system, the block and the disintegration.
The framework of the conditions of existence, of survival and of reproduction constitutes the punctual reference of what we call need: the condition of need coincides with the more or less cyclical failing of the satisfaction of one or more of the conditions of existence and survival.
What about our "superior" systems? The emotional system, the operational thought system, the symbolic thought system, the Ego system? Not even these can naturally escape the need to satisfy, to find fulfilled their specific conditions of existence and survival, to the need to "function" adequately in order to sustain and to some extent ensure the survival of our entire organism.
And we come to the point: what needs should the narrator know and satisfy in order to be effective?
We know that the exact answer to this question lies there, where narrator and receiver meet in the real environment, on a specific day and at a no less precise time: it depends on the configuration of the conditions and the elements that the receiver is trying to put in place, configurations that continually vary.
So an answer is impossible here? In the strictest sense it is not possible, what is here possible still has value: we can prepare ourselves to recognize some types of need, some recurring patterns of configurations of elements and conditions that all, cyclically, with greater or less frequency, meet.
The first and perhaps most "fundamental" is the need to function adequately: each system must find the feedback of its systemic integrity, and, of course, can find it only through its functioning, working.
All our systems, so to speak, "arise" to solve problems, to contribute to develop an effective line of action with respect to the control of the configurations of the environment which we are dealing with, configurations in constant change.
The wonder of our virtual environment, and the extraordinary manipulations that we are allowed, make practically inexhaustible the "material" on which each system can work: in other words, if the real environment does not present problems, it does not provide work material, nothing bad, the virtual environment is inexhaustible source, as long as we are alive.
Thus, we find a first part of the understanding of the curious unhappiness of the lady in the partial absence of matters on which to get to work; just as we find elements that make us understandable the concerns of the successful professional in the dual form of the sketched threats to cope with in ten years (loss of position, security, who knows what else), and in the not so bizarre concern about being worried.
At this first level of observation, the concern, which we correctly translate into fear, anxiety, concerning the condition of experiencing anxiety, is a legitimate question about its proper functioning: the root of fear of fear refers to our Nociceptive System, which elsewhere we have recognized as our alarm system, the fear of fear is an alarm signal that can warn about a systemic failure, in this case of the emotional system.
Of course the observations we are doing have value depending on the "truthfulness" of the narration that the lady and the professional make about what passes through their head: no one can guarantee that in their virtual environment things are exactly as they tell us.
And no one can guarantee, not even the narrators to themselves, that the narrative they have shared with us is or not the result of a decision, conscious or unaware, for example, of narrating what they narrate in order not to narrate anything else, which may well be present in their virtual environment.
The lady may feel little loved, wishing to experience intense excitement, desire frustrated by a flat and colourless family menage and the "natural ageing" of the relationship with her husband; the professional could conceal (to himself first and then to us) recent events that, projected over the medium term, cast disturbing shadows on the current stability of its success.
But even within the limits of the reliability of the narratives, our observations remain valid, and help us to make our way towards a better understanding of the need of our interlocutors: for the one a help could come from supporting the search for something to devote (not excluding any option, not even the search for a new partner), for the other from exploring the limits of our ability to control configurations that could be present in the long term, for both help could come from a more sophisticated knowledge of our systemic nature.
Good systemic functioning is constantly under control, so to speak a "sanitary" one, to the extent permitted by the sophisticated configuration of the Nociceptive System and by the production of feedback elements that are eminently related to the integration of our operating in the virtual environment and in the real environment: in both the considered "cases", what is in the real environment does not sufficiently coincide, it is not quite similar to the one with which each of them has to do in the respective virtual environment.
What has often been called the need for self-realization and placed at the last hierarchical level of the human needs, after all the more fundamental ones, must be re-read and relocated to the base, recognizing it equal if no greater power of so-called "primary needs": the Sameness Principle recognizes the unescapability of our systemic necessity of virtual and real collimating, compelling us to act in every way possible so that what for each one is in the virtual environment is also in the real environment.
In every sense, the help is intertwined with achieving and harmonizing virtual and real.